Directions
1-Hate yourself.
2-Convince yourself that you are fat and ugly.
3-Be surrounded by a society obsessed with semi-emaciation. Live in a culture where it is assumed, for instance, that all women want to drop four sizes in three months.
4-Work very hard on a job that keeps you on your feet for eight hour shifts, and walk two miles there and back home every day to get to said job. Then when you get home, do some more walking to get to the church, the bank, the library. Then go home and do some crunches.
5-Be unhappy and stressed out, that clouds your better judgement.
6-Have very little money with which to buy food.
7-Become so ashamed of your financial state, that you are half convinced that you don't deserve to eat.
8-Live far away from friends who will talk any sense into you or even notice that you are not eating properly.
9-(And this is the key one) Do not eat.
If you do eat something, make sure it is only one small meal a day. Like one veggie wrap, or one salad, or one yogurt. No meat, no cheese, no salt, no butter, no soda, no alchohol, very limited starches. No fat, basically, very little carbs...very little protein...I guess very little anything and everything...No chips, no crackers, no sweets of any kind. Nothing with preservatives in it. Nothing with natural and artificial flavors in it. Nothing high in calories...pretty much nothing processed. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so skip it and drink coffee instead. The caffiene will stimulate the brain and give you a buzz so that your body will be temporarily distracted that you have not fed it. Coffee dulls hunger too, and if you drink lots of it, it will fool your body into thinking that it does not want food for HOURS. Only put a little skim milk in the coffee (FOR HEAVEN's SAKE, NO CREAM OR SUGAR!)
10-Drink tons of water. At least a dozen glasses a day. This is a distortion of something that is actually a good diet tip. If you drink a healthy amount of water, your body will not think that it is hungry when it is really just dehydrated. If you drink tons of water, it will flush everything out of your system, fool you for thirty more minutes into thinking that you dont need to eat, and keep you from passing out from light-headedness.
11-If you wake up at two in the morning, ravenous, because you have not eaten in twelve hours, instead of eating, get up and exercise. You will exhaust yourself to such an extent that you will force your body to collapse even though it is screaming at you for you to feed it.
12-Guilt yourself over everything you eat. That way, if you ever cave and eat (gasp) two meals in one day, or something with eggs or cheese in it...you will renew your efforts to never eat eggs or cheese or anything with fat in it ever again.
This will continue the cycle of guilt, shame and hunger, always, always hunger.
But hey, you might lose that accursed, hateful, hideous, loathesome body mass. You might look smaller. One day you will wake up and find that none of your clothes fit you. You will go test yourself and find that you have shrunk at a rate of more than one size per month. Then if people compliment you that you look better this way, that you are now closer to being beautiful and respectable than you were before...well then...why stop?
If people think you're so inspirational, why dissappoint them? Who knows, by Easter, you might even make it down to size ten. If people think that it is a subject of rejoicing that you shrank this much, whoa, you must have been a cow before the shrinkage!
So now you know the "inspirational" story about how I changed in only three months from being a "larger" woman to just a large woman. Is this the example you wanted? Not what you expected? Well what DID you expect? How else do you think this happens? The only other methods for this drastic change in this short a time are weight-loss drugs, lyposuction, and chronic smoking problems. But hey? At least you are thin? Right? Or thinner?
Alright, maybe this is not the healthiest way to live. But it never really was about health, was it?
Do not kid yourselves. It was about a dress size. It was about appearances.
The title of the note that you are reading is similar to an ad that you will find in any newspaper. "Lose weight faster!" "Drop twenty pounds in 30 days!" "It will make you look better!" "It will make you more desirable!" "It will turn you into a beauty queen" "Burn calories and melt fat faster! Faster! Faster!" "It will make you feel better about yourself!" "It will improve your date prospects" "It will improve your sex life".
The title of this note did not say, "10 heart-healthy tips for Sunday Brunch" or "Get off the couch and Enjoy the Fresh Air!" It said "Get smaller at an insane pace".
I will NEVER be small.
I will NEVER be skinny.
No matter how much I punish myself for it. No matter how much the world hates me for it.
On my good days this is a matter of indifference to me.
But on my bad days, which have been far more frequent of late...it leaves me with nothing but despair. Despair for what I have become and what I will degenerate into further, and despair for this taut, thin, malnourished world.
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Maria, there is so much more to you than a number that is a dress size or an amount of pounds on a scale. If you aren't eating much out of necessity, please do yourself a favor and at least take a multivitamin to help your body get some more nutrients. I did this to myself when I was in high school. You still have friends - take care of yourself because you are worth it in the eyes of God, most importantly. I will keep you in my prayers that you find a place where you feel more fulfilled and content.
ReplyDeleteMaria,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you feel this way. As a woman who has always been larger as well, I can sympathize with some of these sentiments. However, there has to come a point when you realize being healthy is the most important thing, not being skinny. As Alaina said, you are more than a number, you are a beautiful woman. Even in your darkest hour, you are still that child of God whom He looks at with more love than even you can imagine.
Be assured of our prayers.
Pax
The only thing that disappoints me is that you misspelled "disappoint" in your post! :o
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee
Maria, I am sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time. I think if you are unhappy with your weight it is good for you to be proactive and take control- but obviously not in the way, and for the reasons, listed above. God created us mind, body, and soul and it is important for us to take care of the whole package. Many of the things you listed above are fantastic ways to take care of your body and/or ways to lose weight. Walking 4 miles and doing crunches is a reasonable amount of exercise, drinking a ton of water is a great for anyone's body, coffee is a good way to boost you metabolism, and crackers and chips and soda aren't good for anyone. I can see by your post you already know the things you need to change- no exercising at 2 am, eat three meals and a reasonable amount of calories, and don't bully yourself. If you have cravings for something sweet try gum, sugar free popsicles, and dark chocolate can help. You seem to have real disciple right now so focus on eating healthy food like raw veggies with humus, plain chicken, eat the whites of hard boiled eggs. Make better choices for the foods you love ie whole wheat pasta and bread with lots of fiber. You WILL still lose weight but probably at a more appropriate pace. If in the future you can afford to join a program I really recommend Weight Watchers. They don't just count calories but also look at sugar and fiber in foods. They discourage going under your points and if you exercise you can give yourself a few more points a week. In weight watchers you can still eat any foods you want but then you use up a lot of you daily points and you have to be smart with your choices the rest of the day. Let your self enjoy a small glass of wine or your favorite foods every once in awhile. It is about changing your way of life long term- try something sustainable. Also, you CAN be thin but the process takes time. Believe in yourself, and do this for your health and happiness, no need to do it for beauty because you already are :)
ReplyDelete