Reflections on 2012-Feast of the Mother of God

One of the things that I am most grateful for happening to me in 2012 was that I found out for sure that I was sick.  I had been afraid that I was sick all of my adult life, but did not know what it was. It is called Borderline Personality Disorder. It develops in early adulthood, so I have been sick for well over a decade. Now at the ripe old age of 27 I have finally discovered that what I have has a name, and that my fits of self-rage, lonesome blues, extreme self-devaluation and intense fear of abandonment are symptoms.

While I am not my illness, understanding the nature of it has helped me to understand and forgive myself. It has helped me come to grips with my life and have hope and courage to face what will come. It has also broadened my awareness of the many people suffering from mental health issues. This has been a very formative year for me. Difficult, intense, painful at times, but beautiful and necessary.

Without a doubt, though, the most beautiful and wonderful thing that happened to me this year was discovering that I had never stopped loving my ex-fiance. That we loved each other regardless of any illness. Whatever happens now, I know that I will not walk through life alone. And that is because of God, and my best friends and the man I love.